My sex life is certainly NOT like the movies, . . . I just wish it was ~ Lucky Lopez

Blog #18: The Hero Syndrome
(Lesson #3)

Day 471:  No Sex

Lesson #3:  Never wait for a hero, because the type of hero you are waiting for may never come.

So yesterday . . .  a friend of mine who has been seeing a therapist for the last couple of months had a nugget of “insight” to share with me about men . . .

Her therapist insists that men are actually very simple creatures, and are motivated by the need to fulfill one role and one role only in relationships . . .


She went on to explain that men’s motives, objectives, and romantic reasoning were all fueled by the need to save, rescue, or salvage a woman.

I initially scoffed at this little perceived notion, but then began to wonder if it could possibly be true . . .

Do men really go around walking the world in search of opportunities to put a cape on?

Furthermore, is it men’s NEED to be a hero, or woman’s need to HAVE a hero that creates this phenomenon?

Well, let’s think about this for a minute . . .

The most common theme in the best romance movies involves a dashing handsome hero rising from the ashes of adversity – and somehow miraculously finding his way to his one and only beloved to save her from some life-threatening situation, crisis, or life-altering moment.

For example:

“The Bodyguard”: Professional security guard risks his own life to jump in front of and divert an impending bullet to save that of his secret true love.

“Titanic”:  Lower class lad saves upper class lass from marrying a billionaire jerk twice her age and then sacrifices his life as a popsicle so that she can live.

“Braveheart”:  Charitable savage leads his village to freedom-  and his own life to a slow and grueling gutting to preserve the honor of his murdered wife.

“Officer and a Gentleman”: Military commitment-phobe heartthrob jeopardizes his career to whisk away an idealistic working class factory worker to give her a better life.


No but seriously . . . I have to wonder . . . Could all the missteps, mistakes, and melodramatic events of my past romantic relationships really be attributed to the unfulfilled need of my former partners to be my hero?

I know I’ve been told more than once in a relationship: “You don’t need me” . . . “You’ll be fine without me” . . .

For some reason I’ve spent my whole life thinking that was a good thing . . .  I thought being self sufficient and independent were respected qualities in a woman.

I am now coming to realize that maybe in the eyes of a man they are not.

I don’t think it is a coincidence that most of my ex-boyfriends typically replaced me with someone that needed some sort of “saving” from their tragic past, from a cold cruel world, and even from themselves.  Some have even dated significantly younger women who in addition to saving, need a little bit of “raising.”

Don’t get me wrong . . . I am all about having a man be my hero . . . the problem is, I don’t want a man who takes it upon himself to determine how I need him to be my hero.

I mean, think about it . . .

When Lois Lane was quickly sinking into a crumbling crack in the earth while entrapped in her lovely orange convertible, did Superman fly in, stop, and assess the situation and then say . . . “Actually, let me figure out what I would like to do here??”

No, Lois cried “Save me Superman, save me!?!?” . . . and he did.

To me, a man is not truly my hero if he gets to decide what kind/type of saving I need.

For example, there are three ways a man does not acquire the title of hero:

1.  By performing services that could be easily purchased:
Changing the oil in my car, rewiring my antique lamp, or doing my taxes.

2.  Performing acts that are otherwise obligatory:
ie., doing his share of the dishes, calling when he says he’s going to call, taking out the trash.

3.  Performing an eventual act that was initially required in the first place:
ie., finally calling my mom to wish her a Happy Birthday – one week late.

None of these things earn “hero” status in my book – call me a cold hearted amphibian . . . I’ll own it.

I know that women are often described as really complex creatures, and maybe we are.  But I know that a man can be my hero by simply:

1.  Having intregity.
2.  Being a man of his word.
3.  Sticking even when the going gets tough.

Sounds simple – but unfortunately, sometimes simple things are really hard to find.

So, in conclusion . . . I suppose if you consider my overly obsessive analysis:

I do agree that men find value in playing the role of hero, maybe just as much as women bask in the opportunity to have a hero.

Maybe the insanely impossible event of true love occurs when the right hero finds the right woman in need of his type of heroism.

If that is so, then here’s a note to any potential beaus out there:

No need to bring a cape, pizza delivery and a good Netflix are wonderfully sufficient for me.

And if you ask me what type of toppings I would like, well, you may be well on your way to hero status.

Now if you actually tip the delivery guy . . . consider yourself a shoe in.

Here’s to me finding my hero someday . . . even if it is post popsicle . . .

- Lucky 


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