My sex life is certainly NOT like the movies, . . . I just wish it was ~ Lucky Lopez

Blog Posts Category

Thursday, September 30th, 2010

Blog #11: Reality Stars, Lawyers, and Cancer Sticks

Day 132:  No Sex

So if you have missed me, I am thoroughly sorry for not having blogged sooner.

Life has been somewhat chaotic, however please do accept my apologies while I (admittedly) marvel and grovel in the fact that I have actually been missed . . .

Being missed is quite an important and underrated form of affection you know . . .

It is that appreciated affirmation that your existence on earth is not entirely and completely in vain.

I know a few of you have actually Continue reading Blog #11: Reality Stars, Lawyers, and Cancer Sticks

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Thursday, September 16th, 2010

Blog #10: Anatomy Revelations

Day 118:  No Sex

So I have decided to take a vacation from my “no-sex” obsession and attempt to find passion in other areas of my life.

I have realized that any attempt to reverse my current sexless situation is depressingly futile.

As far as the Max “thing” is concerned – I think I can count on becoming the first Latina president of the United States more than I can the possibility of that boy being any sort of a consistent option.

. . .

I still have not heard from him since he kissed Continue reading Blog #10: Anatomy Revelations

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Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

Blog #9: Limp Spaghetti, Cold Fish, and No Sex

Day 109:  No Sex

It has been a week since I last saw Max, and we shared a hot mini make-out session in my car – post too many beers.

Admittedly, I have thought of him more than once since then . . .

Okay, like every ten minutes . . .

But I promise, every time I think of him I force myself to stop, until of course – an additional ten minutes elapses . . . and then I find myself repeating the vicious cycle.

I have not heard from Max since that infamous night.

Subsequently – this “insignificant” little detail has (of course) caused me to become Continue reading Blog #9: Limp Spaghetti, Cold Fish, and No Sex

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Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

Blog #8: Eating a Delicious Man Cupcake

Day 103:  No Sex

So I made my way down to Sunset Boulevard.

Destination: Stag

Victim: Max

I laughed out loud in my car several times considering the heinousness of my college-like crusade:

A 30-something lawyer heading to a sleazy bar eroded with immature adolescents whose primary responsibilities include looking hot, getting drunk and Continue reading Blog #8: Eating a Delicious Man Cupcake

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Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

Blog #7: Underage

Day 95:  No Sex

So the day finally arrived that I was scheduled to meet Max for lunch at “Bisous” in West Hollywood . . .

For those of you non-French speakers (like me), “Bisous” is the French word for “kiss.”

When I say “Bisous,” I sound like a really bad B movie actress – noticeably deficient of the skills required to simulate sexy foreign accents . . .

However when I imagine Max saying it . . . I picture his beautifully puckered strawberry stained Continue reading Blog #7: Underage

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Sunday, August 15th, 2010

Blog #6: “Unfaithful”?

Day 86:  No Sex

So it has been a week since I last saw “Mr. Abercrombie” Max and we shared our way too innocent (for my taste) rendezvous at that cute little French bistro in West Hollywood.

I tried to put the event behind me, knowing that the pursuit of anything further would be an extremely imprudent choice.

However earlier this week, I was surprised to find a piece of college loose leaf paper with Max’s Continue reading Blog #6: “Unfaithful”?

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Saturday, August 7th, 2010

Blog #5: To Taste Strawberry Stained Lips . .

(Cont’d from “Sexless Cougar Meets Unsuspecting Cub”)

Day 78:  No Sex

Have you ever seen a male specimen approach you that was created so perfectly in every way – it’s as if an Abercrombie model spontaneously came to life out of a NY billboard ad and decided to grace you with his presence?

Well, if you haven’t been so lucky, I am here to inform you that it is a damn incredible, jaw dropping, great substitute for 78 days of no sex – experience.

When Max entered Continue reading Blog #5: To Taste Strawberry Stained Lips . .

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Saturday, July 31st, 2010

Blog #4: Sexless Cougar Meets Unsuspecting Cub

DAY 71:  No Sex

So I have decided to put a temporary pause on my assorted attempts to encourage my boyfriend to want to have sex with me.

My recent efforts have been futile, and I have come to the painful realization that maybe sometimes less is more,  . . .  except when it comes to having sex (of course).

Maybe I am simply a victim of that cursed “self fulfilling prophecy” – my insecurities having so deeply damaged my Continue reading Blog #4: Sexless Cougar Meets Unsuspecting Cub

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Friday, July 23rd, 2010

Blog #3: Lucky Lopez’s Lesson #2

Day 63:  No Sex

Never assume that a prized technique that consistently works on one man, will work on another.

So I have now survived 2 months and 1 week – trudging through the desperate dessert sands of my sexual drought.

My boyfriend (of 3 months) and I have not had sex in 63 long, frustrating days.

The continual mystery is that Continue reading Blog #3: Lucky Lopez’s Lesson #2

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Friday, July 16th, 2010

Blog #2: Lucky Lopez’s Lesson #1:

Day 56:  No Sex

Lesson #1:  Never spend too much money on lingerie that may never be removed, noticed, or acknowledged by your beau.

So here I am – back to the (sex) drawing board.

It has been a week since I last sat here, spewing like a cheesy telenovela star about my in-the-bedroom misfortunes – convinced that Continue reading Blog #2: Lucky Lopez’s Lesson #1:

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