My sex life is certainly NOT like the movies, . . . I just wish it was ~ Lucky Lopez

Tag: sex

Saturday, December 3rd, 2011

Blog #21: Cougar Cub Returns

Day# ? – Who Knows How Long of No Sex.

Sometimes, there is a dude that comes into our lives, and no matter how incredibly connected or attracted we are to this human being – all the rules of logic, common sense, and ensured mental sanity – state that there is no way in hell you should be with that person – sometimes even in the same room.

Have any of you experienced this?

I have . . . and I am.

Maybe it is the tug and tow phenomenon also suffered by two magnets – the dance of all that should and absolutely shouldn’t be – one always teetering on the other.

I told you guys about my crazy infatuation with one of my friend’s younger brothers (Max) sometime back. We shared a few adolescent-like rendezvous that ended in nothing more than a G-rated kiss – concluded by a week or two of me obsessing as to why he chose to disappear from my life.

I can’t blame the guy. It is most certain that a specimen of his beauty has a plethora of trim, toned, and tanned sorority girls clawing their way to get a minute by his side.

I would too.  If I was trim, toned, and tan that is – then maybe I’d stand a chance.

Aside from my obvious attraction to the “forbidden” . . . I can’t even understand why I am drawn to this guy.

I’ve never particularly been attracted to “hot” guys . . .

Most of them (from my experience) are terrible lovers, and have the attention span of a starving gnat . . . their eyes constantly darting in every direction to ensure they don’t miss another hot specimen of the opposite sex that may squander by.

But Max is different, and I can’t exactly tell you why.

I am sure you are wondering why I am bringing up Max again and why the hell I am rambling on with all this nonsense without divulging any juicy details . . . So . . . I’ll get to the point.

Max called me out of the blue the other day.

It was perfect timing as I have honestly been bored out of my mind and more than unimpressed with my match.com dates as of late.

The closest “match” was a dental student who was in his last year of residency at one of the many med schools nearby.

We had an incredible first date:  Expensive steak dinner with a divine indulgence of twice-baked potatoes followed by a couple of glasses of wine over casual conversation in which he – (nearly over tears) confessed that he was in a “bad place” in his life and was not ready for a relationship.

Uhhhhh.  Okay?!? . . . Random  . . .

Needless to say, I gave him a hug at the end of date, wished him luck in his “crisis,” and Thank God – he never contacted me again.

But Max, on the other hand did.  And I was admittedly jumping for “yippy” joy when I heard his greek-god-like voice on the other end of the line . . .

He was going to be in my “neck of the woods” he said, and wondered if I wanted to grab a drink . . .

and grab a drink, or two, or three, or four we did.

There was no disingenuous talk of LSATs or law school . . . just the simple objective of partaking in some alcohol.

He offered to pick me up – which I thought was a little weird . . . but I agreed.

He arrived – looking as delicious as ever.  Hair:  effortlessly swept to the side as usual, and this time he sported an extremely hot five-o’clock shadow.

It was speckled in the most perfect way . . . defining every one of his flawless features.

I – on the other hand, had gained a little weight since the last time we saw each other, so I was filled with a host of random and dreadful insecurities – feeling pudgy, old, wrinkly, and the least bit sexy. 

Despite feeling like everything but “hot” when I saw him again, the attraction was dangerously obvious.

Which of course made me feel even more awkward – like a post-pubescent teenager . . . big and small in all the wrong places.  I hated it.

I hated feeling less . . .  Less attractive, less sexy, less confident, less everything than he.  I wasn’t used to that feeling and it bothered me – to my (admittedly) control-freak core.

I wondered if he noticed . . . that the confident lawyer he kissed in her Honda CRV about a year ago had all but wilted into an insecure handful of pruny petals – pitifully pining over this “man” that definitely seemed much more like a boy during our last encounter a year ago.

If he did notice, he didn’t let it show.

He smiled warmly and gave me a sincere hug – the type shared when upon it’s initiation – there’s a spontaneous and mutual realization that you actually missed the person you are holding in that moment.  My heart fluttered.

So he took me to a quaint little neighborhood bar – the kind where none of the furniture, artwork, or wait staff had been replaced in 20 years . . . it was cozy and comfortable. I liked it.

He asked what my drink of choice was . . . “Malibu with pineapple juice” I said.

We talked about almost everything . . . life . . . jobs, family, friends, and even love and how we wish we could find it.

Our conversation was incredibly more mature in nature than I expected from someone who in every way seemed like a man, but nonetheless was ten years my junior – no matter how I tried to slice it.

And then one, or two of glasses of my chosen drink later . . . I found that we were sitting much closer to each other in the booth – than we were originally.

My stomach sank, and then did a few summersaults upon this awareness. I liked him.

I knew I liked him.  But should I? . . . Like him?

The more I looked into his beautiful green eyes, the more I couldn’t extinguish that little voice in my head that kept saying . . . “I want him.”

I felt foolish for even entertaining the thought.  Here I was obsessed with the possibility that we could share anything more than a few drinks, and this poor guy probably was just bored on a Friday night and happened to stumble upon my name in his cell phone.

But then . . . After a few more drinks of mine and his choice, later . . .

“So you wanna go?” he said . . . looking at me with that irresistible grin that melted me like butter.

His eyes – piercing through me like Superman – who could without a doubt, read my mind.

“Ummmmm . . . sure” I said.

Where were we going?  I didn’t know . . . but I was sure about to find out . . .

Stay tuned.

- Lucky 

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Monday, March 14th, 2011

Blog #17: Love, Lust and Losing

Day 295:  No Sex

Okay, so I know you are wondering where the hell I’ve been . . . 

To be quite honest, I am too . . .

Wondering where the hell I’ve been (that is).

You know life is funny sometimes . . . okay . . .  dammit . . . most of the time.

We put ourselves out there . . . throw caution to the wind . . . flick ourselves at LOVE like spaghetti on a wall and hope Continue reading Blog #17: Love, Lust and Losing

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Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

Blog #9: Limp Spaghetti, Cold Fish, and No Sex

Day 109:  No Sex

It has been a week since I last saw Max, and we shared a hot mini make-out session in my car – post too many beers.

Admittedly, I have thought of him more than once since then . . .

Okay, like every ten minutes . . .

But I promise, every time I think of him I force myself to stop, until of course – an additional ten minutes elapses . . . and then I find myself repeating the vicious cycle.

I have not heard from Max since that infamous night.

Subsequently – this “insignificant” little detail has (of course) caused me to become Continue reading Blog #9: Limp Spaghetti, Cold Fish, and No Sex

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Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

Blog #8: Eating a Delicious Man Cupcake

Day 103:  No Sex

So I made my way down to Sunset Boulevard.

Destination: Stag

Victim: Max

I laughed out loud in my car several times considering the heinousness of my college-like crusade:

A 30-something lawyer heading to a sleazy bar eroded with immature adolescents whose primary responsibilities include looking hot, getting drunk and Continue reading Blog #8: Eating a Delicious Man Cupcake

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Sunday, August 15th, 2010

Blog #6: “Unfaithful”?

Day 86:  No Sex

So it has been a week since I last saw “Mr. Abercrombie” Max and we shared our way too innocent (for my taste) rendezvous at that cute little French bistro in West Hollywood.

I tried to put the event behind me, knowing that the pursuit of anything further would be an extremely imprudent choice.

However earlier this week, I was surprised to find a piece of college loose leaf paper with Max’s Continue reading Blog #6: “Unfaithful”?

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Saturday, August 7th, 2010

Blog #5: To Taste Strawberry Stained Lips . .

(Cont’d from “Sexless Cougar Meets Unsuspecting Cub”)

Day 78:  No Sex

Have you ever seen a male specimen approach you that was created so perfectly in every way – it’s as if an Abercrombie model spontaneously came to life out of a NY billboard ad and decided to grace you with his presence?

Well, if you haven’t been so lucky, I am here to inform you that it is a damn incredible, jaw dropping, great substitute for 78 days of no sex – experience.

When Max entered Continue reading Blog #5: To Taste Strawberry Stained Lips . .

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Saturday, July 31st, 2010

Blog #4: Sexless Cougar Meets Unsuspecting Cub

DAY 71:  No Sex

So I have decided to put a temporary pause on my assorted attempts to encourage my boyfriend to want to have sex with me.

My recent efforts have been futile, and I have come to the painful realization that maybe sometimes less is more,  . . .  except when it comes to having sex (of course).

Maybe I am simply a victim of that cursed “self fulfilling prophecy” – my insecurities having so deeply damaged my Continue reading Blog #4: Sexless Cougar Meets Unsuspecting Cub

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Friday, July 23rd, 2010

Blog #3: Lucky Lopez’s Lesson #2

Day 63:  No Sex

Never assume that a prized technique that consistently works on one man, will work on another.

So I have now survived 2 months and 1 week – trudging through the desperate dessert sands of my sexual drought.

My boyfriend (of 3 months) and I have not had sex in 63 long, frustrating days.

The continual mystery is that Continue reading Blog #3: Lucky Lopez’s Lesson #2

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Friday, July 16th, 2010

Blog #2: Lucky Lopez’s Lesson #1:

Day 56:  No Sex

Lesson #1:  Never spend too much money on lingerie that may never be removed, noticed, or acknowledged by your beau.

So here I am – back to the (sex) drawing board.

It has been a week since I last sat here, spewing like a cheesy telenovela star about my in-the-bedroom misfortunes – convinced that Continue reading Blog #2: Lucky Lopez’s Lesson #1:

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Friday, July 9th, 2010

Blog #1: My Sexless World

Day 49:  No Sex

Hello World!  Welcome to my chatter blog.

My name is Lucky Lopez.

I live in the land of realized and broken dreams where the possibilities of life are enslaved to the nebulous concept of “luck,” . . . where burnt orange is the preferred “shade” in a complexion, and Friday night’s most desired destination is determined by the number of overeager paparazzi Continue reading Blog #1: My Sexless World

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